Chapter 41 — Like your lover, a secret one…
“Nan Xu, look into my eyes and tell me, you just want to confirm if you have a desire for me or not.”
Xie Hejing quietly watched Nan Xu, emphasizing the words “for me” especially heavily.
Nan Xu’s eyes slowly shifted, meeting Xie Hejing’s gaze. Her lips parted slightly, but then she pressed them shut again.
“Don’t want to talk?” Xie Hejing took a deep breath and changed his approach. “Then tell me, everything you just said was spoken out of anger.”
Nan Xu was finally willing to speak up, but she asked, “Which sentence are you referring to?”
Xie Hejing gritted his teeth, “All of it.”
The thought of everything she had just said made Nan Xu’s nerves jump. She blinked hard twice and cleared her throat: “It’s all because you scared me for no reason.”
Hearing this, Xie Hejing was amused, “For no reason? Who told me in the middle of the night that she wanted to confirm her sexual desire?”
“I…” Nan Xu opened her mouth, but couldn’t figure out how to refute him. After a long while, she finally said, “I might have been possessed by a sudden impulse at that moment.”
Xie Hejing wouldn’t give her a chance to evade.
“Nan Xu, you have to own up to what you say. We’ll try it when we go back today.”
“Try what?” Nan Xu’s eyebrows shot up.
“What do you think?”
One of Xie Hejing’s hands slowly twisted his tie, while the other rested on Nan Xu’s waist, lightly giving it a pinch.
Nan Xu instantly tensed up all over, pushing back on the back of Xie Hejing’s hand with hers, signaling him to stop.
“Nan Xu, don’t mess with me. I don’t believe you’d discuss this kind of thing with anyone else.”
Xie Hejing narrowed his eyes. The hand hanging at her waist turned over, taking hold of hers and guiding it onto his body.
“You should first get familiar with my body,” Xie Hejing said very naturally, as if he had thought about this many times before.
As her hand first covered his chest, Nan Xu subconsciously curled her fingers.
Xie Hejing pried her fingers open again. Next came his abs, and Nan Xu’s breath hitched.
She remembered he’d said last time that he was going to get a tattoo there, and she didn’t know if he actually did. Nan Xu didn’t dare to look or ask.
She just gripped his hand with a little force, signaling him not to continue.
Noticing the pressure on his hand, Xie Hejing seemed to be reminded of something. He stared at his and Nan Xu’s hands for a long time, then suddenly spoke.
“Nan Xu, do you want to try my hand? I think my hand has only ever held yours…”
As soon as he finished speaking, he clearly felt Nan Xu’s fingertips tighten considerably, so he smiled faintly: “We’ll try it when we get home today.”
A hand has many uses; he just didn’t know which one Nan Xu would prefer.
Hearing him say they were going back today, Nan Xu quickly refused: “No, I promised Yuyu that I would play with her at the resort; I can’t break my word.”
Upon hearing this, Xie Hejing tilted his head back, resting against the back seat, and his tone was slightly cold: “It seems you only break your word to me.”
“When have I ever?” Nan Xu retorted somewhat anxiously.
Xie Hejing: “…”
“Alright, I won’t interrupt your fun,” he said, then asked, “How long are you guys planning to stay here?”
Nan Xu lowered her gaze and thought for a moment. “Five or six… maybe three or four days. Not sure yet.”
They hadn’t made a definite plan—it really depended on whether the place could hold their interest. If it turned out boring, they’d probably leave sooner.
“Also…” Nan Xu’s frown slowly eased. “I really do want to talk to you about… that, but…”
She didn’t know how to put it into words. She couldn’t just say, If I don’t feel anything for you, we should go our separate ways, could she?
Like in that movie.
But wouldn’t that be too irresponsible of her? Nan Xu bit her lip, trying to think of a better solution.
Her thoughts were tangled like a mess of threads, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t think of anything. The more anxious she got, the harder she bit her lip.
Xie Hejing frowned when he saw it. He reached out, gently pinched her cheek, and freed her lip from her teeth.
Sensing her hesitation, he spoke decisively. “One month, Nan Xu. Let’s just give it one month. If there’s really nothing by then, we’ll end it.”
His tone was firm, serious—like he truly meant it. Their relationship would come down to this one month.
After that, if Nan Xu really felt nothing for him, they’d both walk away.
But… could they really do that?
Nan Xu swallowed and asked again, just to be sure. “You’re sure? If after a month I still don’t feel anything for you, we’ll break up?”
Xie Hejing’s gaze flickered. His hand curled slightly into a fist before he looked away from her eyes.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, a small giveaway that his emotions weren’t as calm as they seemed.
He didn’t say yes. Instead, he said quietly, “It’s the best way, isn’t it? Unless you want things to stay the way they are.”
That blurry, undefined stage between them—neither close nor distant.
It was driving him crazy. He couldn’t truly have her, but he couldn’t stand to let her go either.
“Okay,” Nan Xu answered softly.
She stopped running away from it, stopped worrying about what might come after opening this Pandora’s box.
She just wanted to slowly sort out the tangled feelings between them.
“Then… can we start after I leave the resort and get back home?” she asked.
“Sure,” Xie Hejing agreed with a nod.
After a pause, he added, “I’ll be staying here for the next few days too.”
Nan Xu blinked, a little alarmed. “You’re staying here too?”
Xie Hejing’s brows lowered slightly, his tone carrying a hint of danger. “What, you don’t want me around?”
“No, it’s not that,” Nan Xu said quickly.
She was just afraid—afraid he might get worked up again, like last time.
Besides, before anything was officially confirmed between them, she didn’t want others to see the complicated, ambiguous thing that existed between them.
Xie Hejing knew her too well. With just one frown or downward glance, he could tell what she wasn’t saying.
“Don’t worry,” he said quietly. “No one will know.”
“But this way,” Nan Xu said quietly, “it really feels like I’m your lover… a secret one, at that.”
The corners of Xie Hejing’s lips lifted into the faintest smile. His eyes lowered, hiding whatever emotion flickered there.
His voice was calm, almost indifferent, but Nan Xu thought he sounded a little hurt. She opened her mouth, wanting to comfort him, when he suddenly added,
“Not bad. Kinda thrilling, actually.”
Nan Xu: “…”
For a moment, she just stared at him in speechless disbelief.
Seeing her brief daze, Xie Hejing’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he quickly shifted his expression, adopting a different tone—one that carried a hint of grievance.
“But at least,” he said softly, “you owe me a little compensation for these next few days.”
Nan Xu didn’t notice the subtle change in his expression. She thought for a second—if it wasn’t something unreasonable, she could probably agree.
“What kind of compensation?” she asked.
Xie Hejing raised an eyebrow and curved his lips into a teasing smile. “For every day you stay at the resort, you have to come kiss me once.”
Nan Xu’s brows shot up. “You—”
What kind of ridiculous request was that?!
“Or,” Xie Hejing added unhurriedly, “I can kiss you instead—if you’re not afraid of getting caught.”
He went on, his tone deepening slightly. “And if you really want to confirm whether you feel desire for me, then this month… we can’t just stop at this level. Nan Xu, everything I said earlier—I’ll be testing all of it in this one month.”
His gaze darkened.
“When the time comes…”
Be ready.
Seeing her questioning look, he coughed lightly and clarified, “Kissing is just the most basic part. Think of it as… an early adaptation phase.”
His tone was businesslike, as if he were laying out a project timeline, which only made Nan Xu even more exasperated.
Nan Xu: “…”
Her mind spun fast, but she couldn’t deny—he did have a point. So she finally nodded. “Alright.”
When Nan Xu went back to her room, changed clothes, and was about to head out, Qi Zhiyu came through the door.
Humming a tune, she flopped onto the sofa and stretched lazily.
Nan Xu looked up. “Yuyu, you’re back so soon?”
Qi Zhiyu pulled a face. “That handsome guy left early. I figured it’s boring without you, and it’s freezing out there anyway. So I came back to get you—let’s just go soak in the hot springs together.”
“Sure,” Nan Xu said, tidying up her things. She sat down at the vanity and started removing her makeup while chatting with Qi Zhiyu.
Rubbing her face, Qi Zhiyu sighed. “Xuxu, how do you think I should go after that handsome guy?”
She set her phone aside; the screen lit up, showing the guy’s social media feed—photos of skiing and cooking. Qi Zhiyu was clearly trying to decide where to start.
Nan Xu looked surprised. “You’ve already decided? You’re going to chase him that fast?”
Qi Zhiyu sent the handsome guy a photo of herself hiking, then turned to Nan Xu and said, “Yeah, you know, when it comes to these things—doing it fast has its thrill, taking it slow has its charm.”
“You’re probably the slow type. I’m not. I need instant feedback—otherwise, I feel like I’m just wasting my time.”
Nan Xu was washing her face as she listened, and she nodded slightly.
She really was the slow type.
But what about Xie Hejing?
Was he the same—willing to “waste time” on her?
Around 9:40, the two of them found a small hot spring pool. They brought along some fruit, chatting and snacking as they soaked.
When Nan Xu stepped into the water and slowly sat down, the warmth rose past her shoulders. The thick mist surrounded her, melting away the chill of the night.
But then, a faint lingering sensation brushed the inside of her thigh—just enough to pull her mind straight back to what Xie Hejing had done a few hours ago.
Her face flushed instantly. The heat from the steam only made it worse, and she felt her breath hitch.
To distract herself, she picked up her phone, planning to play something soft and soothing—maybe some music to help her relax, forget about that moment, and just unwind before going to sleep.
But right then, a message from Xie Hejing popped up.
[Let me know when you’re back. I’ll be waiting by the right stairwell. Got something for you.]
Nan Xu froze for a second, then simply replied:
[Okay.]
By the time they got back to the rooms, Qi Zhiyu was already half-asleep, too drowsy to notice that Nan Xu had fallen a few steps behind. She only wanted to get into bed as soon as possible.
Nan Xu called after her, “Yuyu, you go ahead and rest first. I… need to check something at the front desk.”
Qi Zhiyu turned around, puzzled. “Something wrong?”
“No, nothing,” Nan Xu said quickly. “Go ahead and sleep. I’ll be right back.”
Qi Zhiyu yawned. “Alright, I’m going to bed then. But hey—it’s late. Be careful, okay?” she reminded.
“Got it. Go on, you can barely keep your eyes open,” Nan Xu teased.
Once she saw Qi Zhiyu enter the room, Nan Xu finally turned and walked toward the stairwell on the right.
Xie Hejing was already there, though she couldn’t tell how long he’d been waiting. He leaned casually against the wall, one hand in his pocket, a cigarette loosely hanging from his lips, the other hand spinning a lighter between his fingers.
When he saw her, he immediately stubbed out the cigarette and waved away the faint smell of smoke.
“You’re here.”
Nan Xu got straight to the point. “What did you want to give me?”
Xie Hejing arched an eyebrow, smiling slightly. “So impatient? You don’t even want to talk for a bit first?”
“Yuyu’s waiting for me,” Nan Xu said, a little flustered.
“Right,” he said with a hint of mock jealousy. “Someone’s waiting for you.”
Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small card, handing it to her.
Nan Xu glanced at the card—it looked similar to her room key, though the color was a few shades darker. The surface had delicate engravings, and the resort’s logo was embossed at the top.
She asked, “Is this your room key?”
Xie Hejing chuckled. “Whose else would it be? You think I’d hand you someone else’s key?”
Nan Xu: “…”
“Then why are you giving it to me?”
The faint smell of smoke around him had nearly faded when he took a step closer and said plainly, “To give you more… opportunities.”
“I won’t necessarily stay in the resort all the time,” he explained. “Sometimes I’ll sleep here, sometimes I’ll leave at night. My schedule’s not fixed.”
“Not fixed?!” Nan Xu blinked in surprise. “Then how am I supposed to find you every day—to, you know, fulfill your ‘compensation’?”
A glint of mischief flashed in Xie Hejing’s eyes. “Well, then you’ll just have to work hard, won’t you?”
“…Fine,” Nan Xu muttered. “I’ll do my best.”
What was she supposed to do—track his every move?
She lowered her gaze, biting her lip a little, uneasy about the uncertainty of the next few days.
Holding the key card, she remembered the conversation she’d had with Qi Zhiyu earlier, and after a pause, she asked, “About this next month… what kind of person are you, emotionally speaking? Are you the fast type or the slow type?”
Since she had agreed to spend this month figuring out their relationship, she wanted to treat it seriously—and maybe adjust her own pace to match his.
If he was slow, that was manageable. But if he was fast… she wasn’t sure she could keep up. Maybe she’d have to show some kind of reaction—but what kind, exactly? She’d have to ask Qi Zhiyu tomorrow.
But before she could say more, Xie Hejing answered without hesitation.
“Lover,” he said, tilting his chin slightly. “Yours.”
Nan Xu opened her mouth, flustered. “That’s not what I meant. I’m asking—”
Before she could finish, he leaned in and brushed a kiss against the corner of her lips, his voice low and lingering.
“A lover’s first kiss,” he murmured. “And as for the word fast… you’d better not use it too lightly.”
“Why?” Nan Xu asked, blinking.
Xie Hejing let out a soft laugh. “Think about it. I’ll check your answer tomorrow.”