Chapter 36 — Can I… take that as a goodnight kiss from you?
[Xuxu, did you get your leave approved? A friend of mine is opening a mountain villa in a few days and invited us over. I’ll take you there to relax.]
Qi Zhiyu sent the message to Nan Xu, clearly excited.
Hearing the notification, Nan Xu set down her paintbrush, pulled a sheet of paper over her sketch to cover it, and quickly replied.
[Don’t worry, I’ve already arranged it.]
This morning, during a break in the meeting, Nan Xu had mustered the courage to tell Xie Hejing that she wanted to take a few days off after the trip. She thought it would take some persuasion, but to her surprise, he agreed almost immediately.
The only conversation the two of them had that day outside of work was about this leave.
By the time the afternoon schedule ended, they were supposed to return together, but Qi Ming stopped Xie Hejing to handle something urgent. Relieved, Nan Xu returned to the hotel on her own.
To be honest, the near-madness in Xie Hejing’s expression last night still lingered in her mind, leaving her uneasy.
The burning intensity in his eyes felt as though it would consume her whole, and there was nowhere to run.
Nan Xu shivered. She had almost never seen him like that, so unfamiliar, so dangerous—and she knew with certainty that this darker side of him was aimed only at her.
She truly didn’t know how to deal with it. What unsettled her most was his question:
“Why not try again? Why not take another step forward?”
Nan Xu frowned. What exactly did he mean by “another step”? How far was he willing to go?
And what was she afraid of, really? She couldn’t put it into words.
Maybe it was fear of shattering their current fragile balance. Or maybe it was the fear that once she crossed that line he spoke of, there would be no way back.
The next stage felt to her like Pandora’s box—once opened, it would unleash something she could never control.
Did she like Xie Hejing?
Nan Xu tried to dissect her feelings, searching through the haze in her mind for clarity.
Her eyes fixed blankly on the sketch in front of her. A few seconds later, she was certain—yes, she did like him.
In her heart, there was always a scale. On one side, “familial dependence” had sat firmly at the top, while the other side remained empty.
But now, that balance had begun to shift. The other side was slowly gaining weight, piece by piece—and every weight was placed there by Xie Hejing himself, as he pried open her heart bit by bit.
Noticing this subtle change, Nan Xu murmured to herself, “Is this… what he means by “liking”?”
But before she could sort out her thoughts, the sound of the lock turning at the door startled her. Instinctively, she lay down on the sofa, closed her eyes, and pretended to be asleep.
She didn’t want to face Xie Hejing while her mind was in chaos. She was afraid he might do something else that would overwhelm her again.
Xie Hejing stepped into the living room, his movements light and soundless. Seeing Nan Xu “asleep” on the sofa, he paused. His gaze swept over the scene—unfinished fruit takeout on the table, a stack of A4 papers at her side with a sketch pen lying nearby. Even as she lay there, her phone was still clutched in her hand.
His brow lifted, and a smile tugged at his lips.
So, Nan Xu’s bedtime routine was surprisingly lively.
It was only after closing her eyes that Nan Xu realized she had forgotten to tidy all that away—but now it was too late. She could only keep her eyes tightly shut, breathing shallowly, hoping not to give herself away.
After a few seconds, Xie Hejing began walking closer to the room.
Hearing the sound of his door opening, Nan Xu cracked her eyes open just a slit. She wondered if she should slip back to her room now—but wouldn’t that make it obvious she had only been pretending to sleep, and worse, that she was deliberately avoiding him?
In truth, she didn’t even have time to hesitate. Xie Hejing walked out carrying a thin blanket, shook it open, and gently laid it over her.
The familiar scent reached her nose, and her fingers clenched tightly around her phone.
Last night she had gone to “help” him mask the strange odor on his body, but whether or not it had worked was unclear. What she did know was that she had ended up memorizing his scent far too well.
Xie Hejing straightened, lingered a moment to admire her “sleeping face,” then turned to tidy the room. He picked up the takeout boxes, her sketch pen, and finally the pile of A4 papers.
When his eyes caught on one sheet among them, he froze. Tucked into the stack of documents was a drawing—of him. Of himself with a tie covering his eyes.
She liked this?
The corners of his lips lifted, and a soft laugh slipped into the quiet living room.
Nan Xu almost instantly guessed what he had found. Originally, she had drawn it on her phone, but it hadn’t felt satisfying enough. So she’d pulled out a piece of A4 paper and sketched it again—never imagining he would one day see it for himself.
She was sure that if she were awake right now, he would tease her in all seriousness about “harboring thoughts of him.”
And, truthfully… when she was sketching, she had entertained the faintest trace of that thought.
She hadn’t realized it at the time, but now, recalling it, she shocked herself. Her throat bobbed nervously, and before she knew it, her own saliva caught in her throat. She coughed twice, unable to suppress it.
Xie Hejing turned his head.
Nan Xu’s nerves jumped wildly. She could only pray he hadn’t noticed anything.
But he didn’t. His thoughts were still on the sketch, already imagining how, once they returned to Zhi’an, he would frame it and set it by his bedside.
Even so, her cough made him wonder if she’d caught a chill. He stepped closer and pulled the blanket snug around her.
His gaze shifted lower, landing on her legs. These past few days had been packed with inspections, and she had trailed after him silently everywhere. She never once complained of being tired, even when she secretly massaged her legs in private.
He sighed, set the drawing aside in his room, then came back to sit at the end of the sofa.
He rubbed his palms together briskly until they were warm, then lifted the blanket’s edge. Reaching out, he gently wrapped his hand around her ankle and began to massage her leg.
Nan Xu’s whole body stiffened, every muscle going taut. Panic flooded her, and she completely forgot how someone “asleep” was supposed to look relaxed.
Noticing the faint tremor in her leg, Xie Hejing paused. His eyes lifted to her tightly shut lids. He stared for a few seconds, then a smile tugged at his lips. Without comment, he resumed his slow, steady massage.
Nan Xu’s tense heart eased just a little.
He hadn’t realized… had he?
He had been massaging her legs for nearly half an hour. Just as Nan Xu was truly about to drift off, Xie Hejing’s hands stopped.
She snapped awake again, confusion filling her chest. Even with her eyes closed, she could sense the subtle shift in the atmosphere around her.
Her mind was in chaos. She didn’t dare move recklessly. Just as she was debating whether to open her eyes, the soft rustle of clothes being removed reached her ears, followed by the sound of running water.
Nan Xu froze, too afraid now to open her eyes at all.
Her sight was useless, so she strained her hearing, desperately trying to pinpoint where he was.
When Xie Hejing finished washing his hands, he stood for a moment, watching the faint tremble of her lashes as he slowly dried his fingers.
Beneath the thin blanket, Nan Xu’s hands clenched tightly together. She realized pretending to be asleep might have been a terrible decision.
Her heart lurched again when the sofa dipped slightly beside her—then deeper still, under the weight of someone lying down.
She couldn’t hold it in any longer. Just as she was about to open her eyes, a warm palm pressed gently over them, blocking her sight completely.
“Nan Xu,” Xie Hejing murmured, his voice edged with fatigue, “let me rest for a while.”
At the same time, a searing hand slid across her waist.
Nan Xu now knew for certain that he was aware she’d been pretending. She gave up on the act, though her eyes remained trapped under his palm.
“Brother… I can’t sleep,” she whispered, lips pressed tight. His breath was warm against the side of her neck—how could she possibly fall asleep like this?
Not to mention, she hadn’t even finished her fruit earlier. She wondered if he’d thrown it away while tidying up.
“I can’t sleep either.”
Xie Hejing inhaled her scent shamelessly, a fragrance that made him feel utterly at ease.
Nan Xu frowned slightly.
If he couldn’t sleep either, then why lie down beside her at all?
Then his voice, low and muffled, brushed her ear. “Nan Xu, I can’t sleep most nights. Sometimes the whole night, sometimes the second half, sometimes the first half.”
Insomnia had always plagued him. Back in senior year of high school, he could still control it with medication. But after that summer when Nan Xu left, it worsened.
Even with medicine, lying in bed, his thoughts would circle endlessly back to her. He could only sleep when exhaustion finally dragged him under—and even then, he woke easily.
Again and again, his dreams pulled him back to that moment at Zhi’an Airport: Nan Xu waving goodbye as she left. A moment he had once dismissed as trivial, yet one his mind replayed endlessly, sharper each time.
The clearer the memory, the harder it became to escape.
Listening, Nan Xu felt an ache stir in her chest. “Brother, did you ever see a doctor? When we’re back in Zhi’an, let me go with you, okay?”
“I did. A long time ago.” His voice was calm.
“Then why… why can’t you sleep?” she asked.
Silence thickened in the air. Only after several seconds did he finally answer.
“Because… it’s my own fault.”
Even though every sleepless night was filled with thoughts of Nan Xu, he never blamed her. Not once.
It was his choice, his burden to bear.
All this time, Xie Hejing had almost grown used to this kind of existence, believing he was nothing more than a shell that could still move.
“A while ago, for the first time, I slept through an entire night,” he said.
For years, it was the only night he had slept from dusk till dawn—no dreams, no sudden awakenings, no reliance on medication.
Nan Xu grew anxious. “Really? Why would that be the first time? All this time you couldn’t sleep? Did you get better because of some medicine? You should keep taking it…”
“…”
She said a lot—her voice urgent, but still pleasant to hear. Xie Hejing listened to every single word with care.
She cared about him. Whatever kind of feelings she held, she cared.
Realizing that, he leaned his head against her shoulder, a faint smile tugging at his lips.
“Because you came back.”
That day, when he went to Zhi’an Airport to bring her home, was also the day he finally found his first peaceful sleep in years.
Nan Xu’s throat tightened. Why was it that just one short sentence from him could make her feel such a painful ache, the kind that made her want to cry?
Maybe she was just too emotional. Unable to resist, she turned her head slightly to look at him.
Xie Hejing was nestled into the curve of her neck. He seemed to especially like that position. Feeling her warmth, breathing in the faint scent that lingered on her skin—it soothed the tension that always coiled through him.
But his hair tickled her neck, brushing against her skin with each breath he let out.
And when she turned her head, her lips brushed lightly across his forehead.
It was so soft, just a fleeting touch, yet both of them froze.
Compared to what had happened last night—when she had truly comforted him with her hands—this accidental kiss wasn’t nearly as overwhelming for Nan Xu.
At least it didn’t make her heart pound violently.
But still, she sat there stunned for a long while. Panic didn’t rise; instead, it felt as if she had stumbled on a small, insignificant way of comforting him.
Because she noticed his breathing had clearly faltered for a beat, yet the heaviness around him seemed to lift.
A soft laugh escaped his throat as he teased, “Nan Xu, can I… take that as a goodnight kiss from you?”
Even so, his eyes lowered.
He waited for her flustered explanation.
She would never kiss him first—she never had.
Surely, she would explain it wasn’t on purpose, maybe even push him away, like she had last night when she’d asked if he was out of his mind. She might even toss the blanket aside, get up, and walk out on him again.
He pressed his lips together, bracing himself for it.
He wouldn’t stop her. He couldn’t push her too hard.
But the expected rejection never came.
She stayed as she was, head tilted, not moving away. Her gaze was gentle as she tugged at the corner of her lips.
Softly, she let out a quiet “mm.”
“You can think of it that way.”