Part 2 of Chapter 50
This chapter is brought to you by Celestialsiren, thanks for the ko-fi! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･
Please Like Her 01 – “I really want to forgive you, Brother.”
However, on this beautiful day, Shang Lu once again encountered someone she didn’t want to see.
When she saw Shang Mu standing downstairs at her house, she chose to put the longevity lock in her handbag.
The previous experience had taught Shang Lu that ignoring him wouldn’t work.
So this time, she directly asked, “What’s the matter? If it’s boring nonsense about going home, you don’t need to say it.”
Shang Mu was somewhat surprised that Shang Lu would actually initiate a conversation with him. There was a hint of astonishment on his face, but then he lowered his eyelashes, not looking at Shang Lu, and instead handed over the cake bag he was holding.
It’s Shang Lu’s favorite cake shop where Xu Ze queued up and bought her favorite mango cake from a couple days ago.
And now, Shang Mu appeared under her apartment building carrying the same cake.
And it seemed like he wanted to give it to her.
This is bizarre.
Shang Lu’s first reaction was to step back a bit and then look at Shang Mu, afraid that she might have misunderstood. She specifically asked, “Is this for me?”
“Yes,” Shang Mu answered like that, then added, “I watched your show, so I bought it while passing by today.”
Of course, Shang Lu didn’t accept the cake. Her expression was complicated as she asked, “May I be bold and ask if you’ve been doing alright lately?”
Shang Lu’s sarcasm in this sentence reached Shang Mu’s ears, but it transformed into concern for him.
Shang Mu said, “…Not really.”
Shang Lu naturally nodded, “I could tell. You wouldn’t bring a cake to me if you weren’t in trouble. If you’re here to confront me, just say it to my face.”
Shang Mu withdrew his hand but suddenly asked, “Have you received the package I sent you?”
Shang Lu honestly replied, “I received it, but I didn’t open it. I threw it away.”
Shang Mu’s expression became complex, “It was your rabbit plush toy.”
Shang Lu didn’t mind, “It’s fine. I haven’t needed it for a long time.”
But Shang Mu suddenly said, “…I’m sorry.”
Shang Lu : “…?”
She began to doubt that the one with a mental problem might be herself rather than Shang Mu.
Shang Lu quietly pinched her arm to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, then asked, “What are you apologizing to me for?”
“I’m sorry for misunderstanding you back then. I thought you told Father behind my back, so… I gave you the rose manor.”
The sound of Shang Mu’s voice grew lower and lower, to the point where he found it difficult to even speak.
On his sister’s coming-of-age birthday, he had given her such a punitive gift. In his anger-fueled state at the time, he refused to believe her explanations and used this method to hurt her thoroughly. He shattered her expectations of him as an older brother and her last hope for a family.
That diary had been flipped through repeatedly by Shang Mu during sleepless nights.
Every time he read it, those phrases like ‘I like Brother’ and ‘I want to talk to Brother’ made him feel numb. He realized that all these years, his sister had been yearning for his attention and cherishing the insignificant or even non-existent good things he had done.
In the possessions that belonged to her, whether it was candy or romance novels, they were all given by him, and she had treasured them all.
But what had he done over those years?
It was always indifference and hostility, always ignoring the warm look in his sister’s eyes, disregarding her outstretched hand and her desire to get closer to him time and time again.
Shang Mu recalled many past memories that he had deliberately forgotten.
For example, occasionally riding the same car to school, the girl would talk about a lot of boring nonsense, and with just one look from him, she would obediently fall silent, then ask him in a hurt tone, “Brother, did I bother you again?”
He naturally didn’t answer, just lowering his head to read the book in his hand.
But then, by chance, he saw Shang Lu borrowing the same books that he was reading from the library.
At that time, he didn’t understand and thought she was just being boring.
Later, when he saw Shang Lu’s diary, he realized it was because his sister thought that what she talked about wasn’t of interest to him, and she wanted to have some common topics with him, so she forced herself to read those obscure and difficult books.
Did she mention that book later?
Maybe she did, but he rejected her as a person rather than her topics of discussion, so no matter what she said, he didn’t want to listen and didn’t care.
Shang Lu couldn’t understand and asked, “Why are you suddenly bringing this up?”
Shang Mu said, “I saw your diary.”
“Ah.” Shang Lu was somewhat surprised but quickly understood the reason for Shang Mu’s change. She smiled at him and said, “You’re overthinking it. It’s just a diary, and there’s no rule that says you can only write the truth in a diary. Anyway, that’s the kind of person I am, full of lies, deceiving you and myself.”
“Shang Lu!” Shang Mu called her name again, but this time, his eyes were inexplicably filled with a bloody red color. “Don’t say that.”
“Why?” Shang Lu’s smile faded from her face, replaced by confusion. “I thought that’s the answer you wanted to hear. This way, you can prove that you haven’t done anything wrong and then go back in peace.”
“No, it’s not like that,” Shang Mu immediately denied Shang Lu’s words but didn’t know what else to say.
“Then what is it?” Shang Lu looked at Shang Mu with a hint of mockery in her eyes and asked, “Why don’t you just tell me what you want to hear? As long as it’s not too much, I’ll satisfy you.”
She said it like that, but it was clearly insincere.
No one ever said that after apologizing, the other person should automatically say it’s okay.
But after saying sorry, what should you do next?
Shang Mu didn’t answer because he didn’t know what to say at the moment.
Shang Lu didn’t want to waste any more time here.
When he saw Shang Lu about to enter the hallway from his side, Shang Mu instinctively grabbed her wrist, trying to stop her from leaving.
Shang Lu frowned as she looked at the hand on her wrist.
Before Shang Lu could say anything this time, Shang Mu let go of her hand.
Shang Mu’s voice, rare with a hint of confusion, asked, “What can I do to make amends for hurting you? For… for you to forgive me.”
Shang Mu’s expression was sincere, different from the indifference that she had wanted to get close to in the past and now found repulsive, making Shang Lu feel somewhat unfamiliar.
She looked into his eyes, trying to find any trace of deception or other falsehoods, but to no avail.
He seemed to genuinely ask this question, as if he wanted to make amends with her.
It was truly strange.
The world seemed to suddenly start treating her well from a certain moment.
What she had once longed for but couldn’t obtain now seemed to be falling into her lap one by one.
However, some things had come too late and were no longer necessary.
But because she had truly felt love and kindness today, Shang Lu’s emotions were greatly calmed, and she chose not to engage in meaningless arguments with Shang Mu, but rather to communicate with him in a more rational way.
Shang Lu sighed lightly, her voice filled with helplessness.
She said, “I really want to forgive you, Brother.”
Just this sentence made Shang Mu feel like he had been struck by lightning, and for a moment, his brain stopped thinking.
He stared blankly at Shang Lu, filled with both anticipation and fear of what she might say next.
“I wish I could forgive you even more than you do, because forgiving you would mean I’ve completely let go of the past and can turn a new page. But I can’t do it, to be honest… I might still hate you a little.” Shang Lu paused briefly when she said this.
Because after some serious reflection, she unexpectedly realized that she didn’t seem to hate Father Shang or the Shang family, but there was still some lingering resentment towards Shang Mu.
The word ‘hate’ coming from Shang Lu’s mouth sent a pang of bitter pain radiating from Shang Mu’s heart.
Yes, she should hate him.
He looked at the grown-up Shang Lu before him, no longer the timid girl in a school uniform who used to follow him around.
He had been wrong for far too long, and now he had no right to think about trying to make amends.
“Do you know how happy I was when you told me you were going to give me a birthday present? I thought you had finally accepted me. At that moment, I regretted all the arguments we had before. My mind was filled with thoughts of how to apologize to you and how to be a good, obedient little sister you would like. During those few hours in the car on our way to City A, I thought about so many things, even what kind of dress I would wear when I got married, and I even thought about having you walk me down the aisle.”
When Shang Lu said this, there was a hint of helplessness tugging at the corners of her lips, then she asked, “Isn’t it ridiculous? I felt ridiculous too, until I saw that rose manor.”
“Not really… not really,” Shang Mu’s mind felt a bit confused. He opened his mouth to explain but felt powerless to do so.
What is not really?
Clearly, it is, because these are all things he had truly done.
The fingers hanging by Shang Lu’s side curled up, and her nails scraped against her bag as she spoke. She no longer looked into Shang Mu’s eyes, and her voice grew softer, “Although I’ve always known that I’m an unloved existence, if I had the choice, I wouldn’t want to be in this world. But I’m timid and weak. Since I’m already here, I can’t bear to leave. I want to live, and I want to be happy.
“It wasn’t until that day when I saw the gift you gave me and that beautiful manor that I realized you wanted me to die. That night was also the only time in my life that I thought, maybe my life should end here, and it wouldn’t matter to anyone.”
After that, Shang Lu couldn’t remember much.
Perhaps it was because of the plot’s needs. The love story between the male and female leads hadn’t started yet, and she, the evil supporting character, still needed to make an appearance.
So she did nothing and continued to live in this world.
Until the constraints of the plot were lifted, until now when she finally woke up.
She no longer clung to the illusionary and absurd idea of family affection.
She had actually wanted to say these things to Shang Mu a long time ago, and now she finally had the chance.
Shang Lu reached out a hand to her chest and murmured, “Shang Mu, it’s strange. After saying all this, I find that I don’t hate you as much anymore.”
“Since you’ve apologized to me, I’ll just say it’s okay,” Shang Lu looked at Shang Mu again and said seriously, “You don’t have to think about making it up to me. As long as you don’t disturb my life in the future, I’ll be grateful.”
With that, she waved her hand to bid farewell to Shang Mu and then walked away.
This time, Shang Mu didn’t stop her.
He watched her departing figure and couldn’t find any reason to follow her.
She said it was okay.
His purpose seemed to have been achieved.
However, the emptiness in his heart became more obvious.
Every word she said felt like a knife piercing his heart, constantly reminding him of everything he had done in the past.
Even his breath felt somewhat painful, but he couldn’t utter a word to stop her.
Because he knew very well that Shang Lu’s choice was not wrong.
Although she had moved out of Shang’s house a long time ago, and their last meeting ended on a sour note.
But it wasn’t until this moment that it seemed like she had truly left Shang’s house and had also truly left him.
From now on, in that cold and unfeeling house, it seemed like there was only him left.
Some things can’t be undone. That doesn’t mean they can’t get along in the future. I like happy endings so I do hope they develop a sibling relationship but I can perfectly understand that that’s not in the cards right now and I hope he doesn’t try to push her. What he needs to do is break free from Father Sheng. Whenever he and his sister have contact in the future or not he won’t be able to find happiness for himself if he stays under Father Sheng’s watch. And there’s no point in beating him up since he sincerely regrets what he did.
Shang Mu was a victim in his own right, but, as many victims do, to cope with his trauma, he became the abuser to another. Shang Lu was able to break the cycle and free herself after much suffering, and she is the only one who can decide who to let in her new life and who can’t. Shang Mu should look for his own closure, whether by helping Chi Yan with bankrupting Father Shang, going abroad to search for his own happiness or simple watching over Shang Lu from a distance. If he got a second chance, maybe he would’ve been an amazing brother to little Lulu.
There’s a lot to unpack here. Shang Mu was put in a horrible family situation just like Shang Lu, but unlike her didn’t come out of it guilt free. It doesn’t justify actions or mean that he his owed forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be shown empathy just like Shen Lu. He was verbally and physicially abused in comparison to his sister who he thought got it off easy being a girl.
This isn’t a household where we have two abusive male figures; its the dysfunctional setup with two abused kids, one of whom has figured it out and left home, and the other who is just now realizing that’s a possibility.
Who is shen lu? And if you put it that way, should you also empathize with Jiang Yi since he also grew up with an abusive dad? I don’t feel sorry at all for what’s happening to Jiang Yi and Shang Mu, they’re both are the same, taking out their anger on Shang Lu, an innocent person. In fact, giving that rose manor to Shang Lu actually made Shang Mu to be a lot worse since that’s his message of telling her to die.
They are completely different cases. Jiang Yi has a father who uses violence to punish his son. That’s bad parenting. Meanwhile Father Shang blames his daughter for his wife’s death and beats his son in her stead. That’s physical and emotional abuse. I’m not saying domestic violence can be excused but Jiang Yi can still influence whenever he gets punished while Shang Mu gets beaten because his sister is alive. They both have moments of clarity and Shang Mu realised his wrong and regrets it while Jiang Yi wants to ‘fix’ his problems by dragging Shang Lu down.
Agreed…. The psychological effects from being physically abused like …. Was thinking about a prior comment saying they would be beaten for a younger sibling and thought about it for myself- going back in time? Absolutely. But knowing myself then? The first few times, yes, but as time goes, especially at that age and only knowing that you are being beaten for someone else’s “mistakes”? Would probably get really resentful really fast. Shang Mu and Jiang Yi are fundamentally different in many ways. Shang Mu’s actions, for a large part, were trying to protect himself. The Rose mansion is a little unforgiveable, but honestly, how many times have siblings honestly at the time told each other to go die? Not forgiving him for that instance but I think he’s a lot more complex. Shang Lu absolutely owes him nothing but no one else has the right to really judge a lot of what he did.
Holy fucking shit…. this chapter was beautiful
You reap what you sow