Chapter 25 — I can’t hold back on everything…
The days of senior year were filled with tension and anticipation, with everyone focused only on pushing forward. Before anyone realized it, a day, a week, a month had already flown by.
It wasn’t until the moment review sessions ended that they suddenly realized how much time had passed.
The heavy summer air lingered throughout the season. The gears of fate clicked into motion, pushing everyone toward their own path.
Partings came quietly—so quietly it almost felt too calm. On one such afternoon after the college entrance exam, Nan Xu received news that her father needed surgery.
She booked her ticket, packed her things, took care of the necessary arrangements, and knocked on Xie Hejing’s door, sincerely thanking him for taking care of her all this time.
The sound of cicadas seeped through the screen windows, rising and falling in waves. The summer heat made Xie Hejing restless, yet his tone sounded casual as he asked, “When will you be back?”
Nan Xu stayed silent. After a long hesitation, she finally answered, “I don’t know.”
Of course. She was going home, back to her family.
Xie Hejing’s expression dimmed.
It all seemed natural—Nan Xu had only been staying here temporarily for a year. With the exams over, it was only right that she returned to her family.
No one would stop her. No one could. Only someone quietly swallowed down their reluctance.
Unspoken feelings of youth sank beneath the tide of time.
On the day of her departure, Nan Xu waved goodbye to Zhang Huiwan and Xie Hejing after passing security at the airport.
Zhang Huiwan watched her with loving eyes, while Xie Hejing looked away.
But for the first time, he posted something on his social feed.
[Snow.]
The picture was of last winter’s snowfall.
Xiang Weishi teased him—what was he doing posting snow in the middle of summer?
But Xiang Weishi never noticed the small corner of the photo, where a girl crouched seriously shaping a snowball.
Too proud and awkward in his adolescence, Xie Hejing didn’t even realize he was in love. He only knew that one day, Nan Xu had stepped into his world—and never left.
Life went on as usual. In his room was a box, filling up little by little with sticky notes.
At first, he resisted writing her name on them. He laughed at himself for such foolishness, dismissing it as meaningless.
But the notes piled up anyway…
Eventually, he had to admit it—he couldn’t resist thinking of her.
And so, writing her name on those notes became an ordinary thing.
In front of others, he always acted indifferent, as though Nan Xu had never crossed his mind.
But at night, he would sit on the edge of his bed, staring at that box, quietly feeling the emptiness in his heart—an emptiness he knew might never be filled again.
Much later, he finally understood a single phrase:
——a sense of loss.
It felt like… he had missed someone.
Dusk deepened, and the neon lights of the city flickered on one by one.
Xie Hejing stood before the floor-to-ceiling window, a glass of untouched whiskey in hand. The clear liquid swayed gently, but his gaze remained fixed on the familiar street below.
It was autumn again.
An autumn of reunion with Nan Xu.
Nan Xu hadn’t had time to rent a place after returning, so Zhang Huiwan simply let her stay in the same room as before.
She glanced around the room—it was exactly as it had been. In the corner of the desk was still the motivational phrase she had once carved with a small knife. The words had long faded, but to her they felt like an imprint etched into her heart.
The familiar scent of the room calmed her, and she slept peacefully through the afternoon.
It was past nine in the evening when she finally noticed a message from the blind date Aunt Zhang had arranged for her.
[Sorry, I’m stuck in traffic. I might be a little late.]
Only then did Nan Xu suddenly remember she had a date tonight. She had originally wanted Aunt Zhang to cancel it, but Aunt Zhang had insisted—since the time and place were already set, she might as well go, even if just to make a new friend. At the very least, it was better than standing someone up. So Nan Xu had reluctantly agreed.
Thankfully, the restaurant wasn’t far from the house.
[It’s fine. No need to rush—I haven’t arrived yet either.]
She put on light makeup and stepped out, only to run into Xie Hejing, who had just returned.
He didn’t look too well, his expression carrying a trace of weariness.
Having just come from work, Xie Hejing was dressed in a formal suit. This was the first time Nan Xu had seen him in one.
He was completely different from the boy she remembered—strong, mature, exuding presence. The tailored suit emphasized his broad, solid frame; a navy tie hung loosely from his hand, several buttons of his shirt undone, a cigarette resting casually between his lips.
Effortless, yet commanding.
And he had clearly seen her too.
He raised a brow, tossed the cigarette aside, and stood there without moving, his eyes fixed on her, as if waiting.
In past conversations, Zhang Huiwan had mentioned to Nan Xu that Xie Hejing had started his own business back in college and had achieved considerable success by now, all through relentless, almost reckless hard work.
Drinking until his stomach bled, working through countless nights—it was common for him. No matter who told him to take care of himself, he never listened.
Nan Xu wanted to ask if he was okay. But then the memory of him kissing her in the kitchen came rushing back1.
Her brows furrowed, anger still simmering. She decided to ignore him, turned her head, and stepped to walk past.
“Get in. I’ll take you.” His voice was hoarse, followed by a rough cough.
Nan Xu froze. “I’m going on a blind date.”
A blind date, and he still wanted to drive her there? From his reaction last time, he seemed very much against it.
Yet all Xie Hejing did was grunt in acknowledgment. He turned, opened the car door, and tilted his head toward her. “Get in.”
Nan Xu slid into the passenger seat. Silence filled the car, broken only by his occasional cough.
She had planned to ignore it. But after a few seconds, she couldn’t help herself.
“Your throat sounds bad. Remember to buy some medicine.”
Xie Hejing paused, then a faint smile tugged at his lips. “You’re worried about me?”
Nan Xu arched her brow, eyes flicking to the window. She didn’t admit it. “Of course not.”
Catching the opening, he glanced at her. She stared straight ahead, her defiance practically glowing.
“Still mad at me, huh? Not even calling me ‘brother’ anymore?”
The audacity—he dared to bring that up. Nan Xu didn’t want to argue, so she snapped, “Brother, just focus on driving.”
Sensing her foul mood, Xie Hejing wisely fell silent. The car grew quiet again.
A long while later, he finally spoke.
Years in the business world had taught him how to twist words beautifully—turning black into white, making circles sound like squares, talking people into confusion.
But in front of Nan Xu, there was no pretense.
“Nan Xu, I can’t hold back everything.”
Just like his feelings for her—he simply couldn’t.
After years apart, upon meeting again, he didn’t hear a single word about himself from her lips.
Xie Hejing’s hand rested on the steering wheel, his knuckles faintly white. Lowering his gaze, he said without any embellishment, “Sorry.”
His voice was low, quiet.
So quiet it slowly seeped into Nan Xu’s heart. She turned her head and looked at him directly.
In her memory, he had been a lean, spirited young man, full of youthful energy in every movement. Now, standing before her, was a powerful, composed business elite.
Yet, in the way he looked at her, she caught a glimpse of something.
Loneliness.
Had she imagined it…?
Her throat tightened, words stuck inside her, but before she could speak, he had already parked the car. With a slight lift of his chin, he looked toward the front of the restaurant. “Your blind date.”
Nan Xu froze, then turned her head to follow his gaze. She had seen a photo before—yes, it was Jiang Zhiyu.
He was already at the entrance, about to go inside. Nan Xu had no choice but to swallow back her words, nod lightly, and push the door open to leave the car.
Traffic flowed endlessly around them, headlights flashing across Xie Hejing’s profile. He leaned back slightly in his seat.
Watching the two figures who looked rather well-matched, Xie Hejing pulled out a cigarette. With a sharp click, the flame sparked, igniting the bitterness of this moment.
Through the haze of smoke, his eyes grew indistinct.
Jiang Zhiyu, indeed, was very courteous. He greeted Nan Xu warmly, and when he noticed her pale complexion, he asked with concern if she wasn’t feeling well and said she could end the date anytime.
At that, Nan Xu quickly pulled herself out of Xie Hejing’s shadow and shook her head with a smile.
“Jiang Zhiyu, with such good conditions, why would you need to go on blind dates?” she asked.
“Nan Xu—may I call you that?”
She nodded.
With gentlemanly ease, Jiang Zhiyu cut her steak for her. “Auntie Zhang showed me your profile. You’re just as outstanding. I think the reason we’re here is probably the same.”
Nan Xu tasted a bite of steak before replying, “True enough.”
They chatted idly for a while. For the most part, Nan Xu only responded rather than initiating, and Jiang Zhiyu must have noticed her distracted mood.
“Nan Xu, I imagine you just returned to the country. Blind dates must feel a little awkward. Why don’t we treat this as a chance to become friends instead? I’d really love to hear your stories about America.”
His voice was gentle, steady, instantly likable.
Just as Auntie Zhang had described, Jiang Zhiyu was skilled with people. With only a few words, he opened Nan Xu up.
They talked for quite a while, until the night had grown late.
Jiang Zhiyu offered to drive her home, but Nan Xu quickly declined. She wasn’t sure if Xie Hejing was still waiting outside, but even if he wasn’t, she didn’t want anyone else driving her home.
Leaving the restaurant, she spotted Xie Hejing’s car still parked by the roadside. She couldn’t tell if he was inside.
Nan Xu had already checked earlier—there was a pharmacy nearby. She went there first to buy some medicine before heading back.
Sure enough, Xie Hejing was still in the driver’s seat. He must have smoked quite a few cigarettes, but the car held no trace of smoke. Instead, there was a faint freshness in the air—something even cleaner than when she had first gotten in.
“What’s that smell?” She sniffed curiously. “It’s pretty nice.”
Seeing she hadn’t noticed any smoke, Xie Hejing relaxed. But when his eyes fell on the pharmacy bag in her hand, his expression changed. “You’re sick?”
Nan Xu placed the bag in front of him. “I’m perfectly fine.”
Only then did Xie Hejing see clearly what the medicine was. “You went to buy this for me? So late?”
Nan Xu replied, “And you’re still here waiting this late, aren’t you?”
“I wanted to.” Xie Hejing said.
The next second, Nan Xu followed up with, “Then I don’t mind either.”
Xie Hejing’s gaze dimmed slightly as he paused, smiling as he asked, “Do you really not mind?”
Something about his tone didn’t sound quite right, but Nan Xu couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.
All she could do was tug nervously at her seatbelt and stammer, “I… let’s just go. Auntie just called asking when we’d be home—she’s making us a late-night snack!”
Since Zhang Huiwan and Xie Hengzhi couldn’t stay up too late, they only chatted with the two briefly after preparing supper before retreating to bed.
That left Xie Hejing and Nan Xu sitting at the table together.
He was the one who washed the dishes. With his shirt sleeves rolled up, his lean forearm muscles were revealed as he stood at the sink. His lowered lashes trembled faintly, brows and eyes focused, the warm light falling across his profile.
It was exactly like those “perfect boyfriend” types you’d see on TV…
Nan Xu startled at her own thought. How could she ever connect such an image with Xie Hejing?
She lingered at the kitchen doorway for a while before finally speaking: “Brother,” she recalled their conversation in the car, “if it’s about buying medicine, that I don’t mind.”
“Buying medicine…” Xie Hejing set the bowl into the cabinet, dried his hands, and walked over to stand against the doorframe, meeting her gaze. “What about everything else?”
Nan Xu’s eyes darted nervously. “What else?”
When she noticed his gaze lowering, she suddenly realized what he meant. Her hand shot up to cover her mouth. “No way.”
Seeing her like that, Xie Hejing couldn’t help but laugh.
“I happen to be short of an assistant, and you’d be a good fit.” He raised a brow and flicked her forehead lightly. “What were you imagining?”
“Or maybe reminiscing about something?” His voice carried a teasing edge.
“I wasn’t thinking anything…” Noticing his words, Nan Xu’s cheeks flushed faintly. “And I definitely wasn’t reminiscing!”
Arms crossed, Xie Hejing studied her with a half-smile. “Really?”
Nan Xu quickly shifted the topic. “So… what you said just now, about making me your assistant?”
The change was awkward, but Xie Hejing didn’t call her out on it.
Seeing her surprised expression, he reached out to ruffle her hair in mild exasperation. “When you sent out resumes, you didn’t even pay attention to the companies?”
“I…” Nan Xu thought back. She vaguely remembered one of the company names sounding familiar—Auntie Zhang had even mentioned it—but at the time, she hadn’t realized it was his.
“I didn’t apply for that position, though.”
Xie Hejing nodded solemnly. “Your resume’s good. And as it happens, there’s a vacancy for that role. I think you’d be more than capable.”
“That doesn’t sound right. Shouldn’t HR be the one talking to me, not you?” Nan Xu countered.
“Mm,” he said smoothly. “But I’m just the helpful type.”
Nan Xu: “…”
She had only wanted to settle down quickly after returning and then bring her parents over. Becoming Xie Hejing’s assistant might not be such a bad option.
But she needed to think it over carefully.
“I’ll consider it.”
- Chapter 1 ↩︎