Chapter 208 – Master, do you choose to die or to perish? (49)
What is the meaning of his repeated rebirths, time and time again? To drive him mad, to turn him into a demon? Then why push him deeper into this abyss?
To make him repeat his mistakes over and over, is it to show him that in the end, he gains nothing?
Yun Ze’s eyes slowly reddened, glowing with a eerie light, his voice hoarse. “Master…”
Master… it hurts so much inside…
Master, can you stop looking at him with that gaze meant for strangers? Even if it’s hatred…
“Master…”
Am I wrong about everything? All of it…
His fingers weakly clenched, like a child seeking solace after being wronged, only to find that, in the end, his own recklessness has cost him every place he could have called home.
Standing helplessly in place, lost and bewildered, with nowhere left even to cry.
“I treat you well, you think I’m joking.” Yan Luo’s voice was faint, eyes lowered, devoid of emotion. “I make the best arrangements for you, you think I have ulterior motives.”
Yun Ze bowed his head slightly, wanting to retort, but found himself speechless.
What she said… was not wrong.
He guards against everyone, schemes against everyone, but… he’s so tired.
Time and time again, all expectations extinguished, all hopes shattered. Why won’t this cycle let him go? Wouldn’t it be better if he just quietly faded away after the first time? Why multiply this cruelty, leaving him in the end with nothing but cynicism and madness?
He has attempted suicide, been killed countless times by others, destroyed and saved the cultivation world, and countless times been destroyed by the person before him.
Dragging his weary body, with a lingering soul, he thinks in his sickness, how should he play this world this time? What would make it more interesting?
But, is it possible… to believe one more time? To hope one more time?
But… he dares not believe… how could he…
He dare not… Master…
Do you know how long he’s been sinking in this dark cycle?
No redemption whatsoever, an endless darkness with no one to trust, that’s true despair…
Truly… so tired…
Clearly standing amidst the world, yet still utterly alone.
This feeling… truly painful.
“Forget it.” Yan Luo’s eyelashes flickered slightly, her voice barely audible, evoking an inexplicable panic.
Master, please don’t…
“You never really saw me as your Master anyway.”
—It’s not like that, it’s not…
“In that case, I… don’t need you either.”
Master, if you need closure, could you kill me a few more times? As long as she remains the same as now, in this moment and in this world, he will surely behave, consistent inside and out, not wanting anything, not resisting… please, don’t abandon him…
“You’re heavily burdened by resentment, accusing me of harming you multiple times. Perhaps now is the time to end it.”
Please, Master, if you truly don’t want him, could you let him die completely, from this endless cycle?
Yun Ze’s lips quivered, nearly breaking into tears.
“Master, I… I want you so much… but I no longer have the strength to like or trust anyone…”
—I want to say I love you, but I’ve hurt you, harmed you, and I’m so exhausted and covered in scars, I have no strength left.