If (4/9)
“Brother, what should we go eat tonight?”
Su Zesui wiped the water off his hands while peeking into the living room at Gu Yilan. But he saw the man frowning, his gaze fixed on a letter on the coffee table. He pressed his thin lips together and didn’t respond—so focused that he didn’t even hear the question.
“What’s this?” Su Zesui ran over and bent down to look at the pink envelope on the table.
Gu Yilan looked up at him. “The letter that was tucked in with the flowers.”
Su Zesui froze for a moment, then quickly realized what it was and hurriedly said, “I—I’ll return it to him later.”
Gu Yilan rubbed his fingertips together, neither agreeing nor refusing, leaving Su Zesui unsure of his stance.
For some reason, even though it was a love letter someone else had sent, and he was completely innocent, Su Zesui still felt the embarrassment of being caught in a romance by a parent. He stood there awkwardly, twisting his fingers, waiting for his brother to speak.
In the subtle silence, Gu Yilan finally broke it: “You’re just going to return it like that? Not even open it to see what’s inside?”
Scratching his head, Su Zesui admitted honestly, “If I read it, I won’t know how to face him afterward…”
Gu Yilan raised an eyebrow and asked, “You’ll still have to interact with him later?”
“We’re in the same group, and we have to give online classes to children in impoverished mountain areas together during the summer,” Su Zesui stammered. “It’s, um… for a charity volunteer activity.”
During nearly a year of college, he had received plenty of love letters and already knew the trick: as long as you didn’t open them, you could pretend nothing had happened and continue being normal friends.
Gu Yilan nodded and picked up the envelope from the table. He flipped it back and forth and, seemingly casually, asked, “Why only join some organization when the first year is almost over?”
The man’s tone was no longer so stifled, and Su Zesui let out a sigh of relief. Sitting next to Gu Yilan, he curved his eyes as he spoke, “It’s just for a summer activity organization, well, like social practice, a second classroom, and things like that. I chose to teach a class for kids.”
“Hm.” Gu Yilan lowered his gaze to the pink letter in his hand, then suddenly, without warning, asked, “Can I see it?”
Su Zesui froze for a few seconds before realizing what he meant. “O-Okay….”
After all, love letters were all the same—copy-pasted from articles online. Looking at it wouldn’t really matter… wait!
Suddenly, Su Zesui remembered something and went completely silent, his words cutting off mid-thought.
Seeing that he had said “okay,” Gu Yilan was already starting to open the envelope. Panicking, Su Zesui pressed his hand against the man’s long fingers, stopping him.
Under Gu Yilan’s questioning gaze, Su Zesui withdrew his hand, feeling guilty. “B-Brother… maybe we shouldn’t look at it… I… I feel a little embarrassed…”
His excuse was far too flimsy to fool his sharp-witted brother.
Gu Yilan, as if granting his wish, placed the envelope back on the table, but deliberately said in a mockingly understanding tone, “Embarrassed to even look at it… do you have the nerve to reject her? Want me to do it for you?”
“N-No, no, no!” Su Zesui waved his hands frantically.
The boy’s behavior was far too unnatural—he practically had the words “I’m obviously hiding something” written across his face.
Gu Yilan frowned. Imagining all the troublemakers in society—smokers, drinkers, tattooed bar-hoppers who could easily lead a kid astray—he asked directly, “What’s going on with her?”
Su Zesui held out for a few seconds but knew he couldn’t keep the secret. Steeling himself, he opened the envelope, skimmed the letter, and then placed it in front of Gu Yilan’s eyes, pointing to the bottom right corner: Shi Fangbin.
Clearly, a boy’s name.
Gu Yilan: …
Gu Yilan: “You like boys?”
“No, no! I don’t like anyone. I… I’m just friends with them,” Su Zesui shook his head frantically, like a rattle, terrified that this letter might force him to “come out” in front of his brother.
He had indeed received many letters from male classmates and was no longer fazed by them—but he had no idea how Mr. Gu would react.
He stole a glance at the long-forgotten ruler on the bookshelf and shivered.
From what he knew, most of the boys around him kept their sexuality hidden from their parents. The rare ones who dared to come out either got locked up or were beaten until their backs were covered in bruises. Terrifying.
Although Mr. Gu hadn’t “disciplined” him since he started college, there was no guarantee that, if enraged, he wouldn’t restart the family rules and try to “straighten” him out.
Seeing the boy so unusually agitated, Gu Yilan’s eyes darkened slightly.
He didn’t have any issues with homosexuality—abroad, he had seen people of all sorts, let alone gay men. But Su Zesui’s overly stressed reaction was… intriguing.
“Let’s go. Time to eat.”
Gu Yilan stood up. While the boy was putting the love letter back in its envelope, he sent a message to his secretary to look into the group leader named “Shi Fangbin.”
“What should we eat, brother? I’ll go with whatever you want today.”
Su Zesui’s cheeks flushed red from nearly causing a misunderstanding about his sexuality. In just a few quick movements, he tucked the love letter into the coffee table drawer and, without reason, gave the man a playful wink.
But to Gu Yilan, this little “flattery” carried an entirely different meaning.
While thinking about nearby restaurants, he casually sent another message to his secretary: [As soon as possible. The more detailed, the better.]
. . . . .
Receiving the message from Boss Gu, the secretary immediately mobilized their connections, sending over a full “profile” of Shi Fangbin—from kindergarten all the way to college.
Apparently, this person had a flirtatious nature, charming to everyone, but wasn’t fundamentally bad. He was currently 20, a junior in college, and came from a moderately wealthy family…
Meanwhile, at the hotpot restaurant, Gu Yilan skimmed the detailed PDF the secretary had sent. When he looked up, he saw the boy carefully picking up a slice of cooked beef and gently placing it into his bowl—so different from his usual habit of burying himself in his food.
Gu Yilan’s fingers gripped his phone so tightly that the knuckles turned pale. Suddenly, he picked up his chopsticks and ate the few slices of beef that Su Zesui had placed in his bowl, letting the fiery spice spread freely across his tongue.
Su Zesui froze for a moment, then hurriedly added half a plate of beef to the pot.
His intentions were simple—he was embarrassed just talking about dating and gay relationships in front of his brother.
When people are awkward, they often try to find something to do. On top of that, he felt his earlier rushed explanation hadn’t been convincing enough, so he wanted a chance to talk a little more with Mr. Gu. Naturally, he busied himself around him, helping with condiments, adding ingredients, and picking food from the pot.
“How long have you known him?”
Finally, after his persistent effort, Gu Yilan’s cold tone returned to the original topic.
Given another chance to explain, Su Zesui sat up straight, quietly delivering the carefully prepared words: “Not very long. We’ve only met a few times in the activities. He’s the group leader—organizing things and looking out for everyone.”
What he wanted to convey was that Shi Fangbin didn’t mean anything special to him—just slightly more than an ordinary friend, a feeling that could be retracted at any time. He hoped Mr. Gu would understand!
Though looking at his brother’s furrowed brow, Su Zesui suspected Mr. Gu’s thoughts weren’t exactly following his reasoning…
“Hm.”
Gu Yilan pondered for a moment, then expressionless, said, “He seems fine. You can just hang out with him casually.”
“Oh… oh!” Su Zesui couldn’t quite grasp what Gu Yilan meant by “just hang out,” but he obediently replied, “Okay, brother.”
Gu Yilan put down his phone and said, “Good. Let’s eat.”
. . . . .
That night, after finishing the hotpot, Su Zesui used WeChat to politely decline Shi Fangbin’s feelings, making it clear they could still remain friends.
Shi Fangbin didn’t feel embarrassed at all. He readily accepted it and even suggested meeting a few days later at the volunteer group’s orientation meeting to talk through the upcoming activity arrangements.
Su Zesui breathed a sigh of relief and happily went to school—but after the meeting, Shi Fangbin invited him to hang out at the shopping street, leaving him utterly dumbfounded.
Shi Fangbin wasn’t the type to give up easily. On the contrary, for someone he truly liked, he was patient. For him, knowing Su Zesui was single and that his orientation wasn’t clearly heterosexual was enough.
He was willing to pursue Su Zesui until Su Zesui agreed.
Seeing Su Zesui struggle with what to do, Shi Fangbin, relying on his careful observations over the past days, hit the nail on the head: “Didn’t you say you wanted to get your brother a Dragon Boat Festival gift? I know a hidden jewelry shop—not the usual bead stuff, but all handmade. Want to go check it out together?”
Su Zesui’s eyes lit up, but then he suddenly remembered the earlier love letter. He hesitated for several seconds, torn, before ultimately giving in and sheepishly said, “…Okay.”
The Dragon Boat Festival was just a few days away, and he had been agonizing over what gift to give Gu Yilan. Shi Fangbin’s suggestion of the jewelry shop felt like a godsend.
Wanting to surprise Gu Yilan, Su Zesui didn’t reveal his true destination. He simply sent a message saying that the volunteer group had a meeting that evening, so Gu Yilan didn’t need to wait for him for dinner.
Shi Fangbin had invited him to eat at an outside restaurant, which Su Zesui politely declined. He only asked the boy to send him the store’s address. After a quick, casual meal at the school cafeteria, he would head straight there.
What he hadn’t expected was that Shi Fangbin was willing to accompany him—sitting through the cafeteria’s uninspiring food, driving him to the shop, acting as both navigator and jewelry guide along the way.
Though Su Zesui had already learned a bit about jewelry-making while eating, once they arrived, the complexity and time required far exceeded his expectations.
The shop specialized in handcrafted pieces using silver wire weaving. Even just designing the style took Su Zesui a considerable amount of time.
He wanted to create a piece that matched Gu Yilan’s temperament, with a process that was neither too simple nor overly complicated, and that could express his everlasting gratitude and affection. As he sketched, erased, and redrew, time quietly slipped away.
After finishing the bracelet design, a professional one-on-one instructor guided him through cutting the silver wire, looping, bending, and weaving it.
Single-strand weaving, double-strand weaving, French weaving—it all made Su Zesui dizzy and his hands sore.
Finally, after completing the weaving, he still had to connect and secure the bracelet, then embellish it with the previously chosen decorations or beads. Only then could a silver bracelet be considered halfway done.
Su Zesui wiped the sweat from his forehead. After completing these steps and handing the bracelet over to the instructor for polishing and finishing, he finally had a moment to pull out his phone.
Once he got into the flow, time had flown by. In the blink of an eye, darkness had fallen outside, and only the neon lights of the shopping street flashed in colorful patterns.
Glancing at the time on his phone’s lock screen, he let out a small sigh of relief.
Luckily, it was just past nine. There was still time to head back.
But as soon as he unlocked his phone, his jaw nearly dropped.
During the orientation meeting, he had set his phone to Do Not Disturb mode. Then, in the rush to come make the jewelry, he had forgotten to turn it off. As a result… dozens of unread WeChat messages sat there, with no pop-up notifications.
And without exception, all of these messages were from a single person——
[Brother (18:51): Will there be food at the meeting? I’ll have the driver bring you a meal—send me the address.]
[Brother (19:39): Still not finished yet?]
[Brother (19:44): Are you with that Shi Fangbin again?]
…
[Brother (21:37): .]
Seeing that final, silent period in the last message, Su Zesui panicked and almost dropped his phone.
He glanced guiltily at Shi Fangbin beside him, took a deep breath to steady himself, and frantically typed a reply:
[Su Zesui: There’s a lot to cover in the volunteer activities, so the meeting will run late. I’ll be back right away, brother!]
After receiving the perfectly packaged bracelet from the instructor, Su Zesui quickly stood up, ready to hail a taxi.
Except for that intimidating final period, Gu Yilan hadn’t sent him any other messages since early evening—probably predicting that the meeting would run long and didn’t want to disturb him.
Gu Yilan’s trust and consideration made Su Zesui feel deeply guilty for the little lie he’d told, wishing he could fly straight home immediately.
“Suisui, I’ll drive you home. It’s more convenient for me,” Shi Fangbin said with a smile, holding his own finished silver bracelet. “Besides, it’s so late. I don’t feel comfortable letting a freshman go home alone.”
Su Zesui waved his hands. “No, no, it’s fine. My place is really close; I can just take a taxi.”
“It’s nothing, no need to be so formal with me,” Shi Fangbin said, taking out his car keys. “You live on the south side of campus, right? What a coincidence—my place is that way too, so it’s on the way. Let’s go.”
Since Shi Fangbin insisted, Su Zesui couldn’t refuse. He clutched the small box holding his bracelet and shyly got into the passenger seat, staying quiet the entire ride.
About ten minutes later, they arrived.
Shi Fangbin parked in Su Zesui’s driveway, but didn’t hurry off. He got out of the car with him.
“Suisui, actually, I made this bracelet for you tonight,” Shi Fangbin said, standing in front of the boy and holding up the bracelet he had painstakingly worked on for hours. The glow of the streetlights reflected in his curved eyes. “It’s for you.”
“N-No, you don’t have to,” Su Zesui stashed his small box in his pocket, at a loss for words. “Really… you don’t have to.”
He had made the bracelet together with Shi Fangbin and could see how much care and effort had gone into it. Such a thoughtful, labor-intensive gift… he didn’t know how to reciprocate and felt he simply couldn’t accept it.
“Why not?” Shi Fangbin asked gently, smiling. “Isn’t the bracelet you made also meant for your brother? Brothers can give each other gifts—so why not friends? I made this according to your style. If you don’t accept it, wouldn’t that mean I made it for nothing?”
Su Zesui wasn’t as smooth-talking as Shi Fangbin. He couldn’t really explain why he insisted on saying no. Seeing the other person trying to hand the bracelet directly to him, he quickly waved his hands and shook his head, unwilling to take it.
Seeing the young man so determined to refuse, Shi Fangbin sighed softly, withdrew the bracelet, and instead lightly ruffled the boy’s fuzzy hair.
Since the boy finally gave up, Su Zesui couldn’t bring himself to resist again. He curled his fingers nervously, letting Shi Fangbin run his hand through his soft black hair. After all, it was just a pat on the head—no harm done.
Meanwhile, inside the villa, it was pitch black, making it hard to see anything.
Gu Yilan sat in the darkness, staring down at the jewelry shop’s surveillance footage on his phone. Even at five times the playback speed, it was clear how close Shi Fangbin stood to Su Zesui, occasionally pointing something out to the boy.
During this “lesson,” his fingers came almost in contact with Su Zesui’s hands, and the way he looked at the boy was so intense it was as if threads could be drawn from his gaze…
Gu Yilan turned off his phone, slowly closing his dark eyes, his temples pulsing slightly. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but only when he heard a car pull up outside did he open his eyes and glance out the window.
From his angle, the living room window was slightly tilted, but he could still see that in his yard, the pale light of the streetlamp fell on two figures, casting long, dark shadows on the ground.
The shadows moved with the two of them, echoing their affectionate gestures of patting each other’s heads.
If one tilted their head and squinted, they could see the boy himself lowering his head, staying still and silent, obedient just as he usually did when being patted on the head.
Gu Yilan sat up straight and casually tossed his phone, which had been on standby, onto the coffee table. Two hard objects collided with a sharp “clack,” the sound echoing through the spacious living room.
A few minutes later, the villa’s front door was gently pushed open with a “click.” A boy poked his head out, scanning the darkness and glancing around. Only when his eyes landed on Gu Yilan did he freeze in place.
“B-Brother…” Su Zesui closed the door behind him and walked toward Gu Yilan, keeping a composed expression. “Why didn’t you turn on the lights?”
“Forgot.”
Gu Yilan studied the younger brother he had raised for several years. After a long pause, his hoarse voice finally asked, “Do you even remember what time it is?”
Su Zesui fidgeted with his fingers. Although there was no security system at home, he still felt guilty and uneasy after lying when facing his brother—whose mere presence carried an imposing aura. He whispered, “It’s ten o’clock…”
Gu Yilan asked, “Why are you coming back so late? Were you out with someone?”
“I…”
The lie he thought was flawless was mercilessly exposed. Su Zesui froze, standing there like a thorn in his own back, his heart racing, lips parted, unable to say a single word.
He didn’t intend to struggle or lie any further, but saying the words “I was with Shi Fangbin” felt strange no matter how he phrased it.
Remembering how Gu Yilan had allowed him to hang out with Shi Fangbin at the hotpot restaurant, Su Zesui had a sudden idea. He whispered, trying to justify himself, “I just… went out… casually… with Shi Fangbin…”
Having spent some time in the dark, Su Zesui’s eyes had gradually adjusted to the night.
He could clearly see that as soon as he finished speaking, Gu Yilan’s expression darkened, his thin lips pressed into a straight line.
Author’s Note:
How Su Zesui sees himself: Well-behaved, going out, making gifts for his brother.
How Mr. Gu sees Su Zesui: “Just came back from messing around outside.” (Covered in dirt.jpg)