Chapter 44 – Hidden Thoughts
Lin Yan touched the stone hanging around his neck and smiled happily. As he looked out the car window, it felt as though a drum was beating inside his chest, thumping again and again.
Each beat struck the surface of the drum relentlessly, and he couldn’t control the sound.
So it kept echoing within his heart.
The vehicle was a mid-sized company shuttle bus—not very large, but even after everyone from their department boarded, there were still empty seats.
Because he had gotten off midway and then returned, the seat he had originally taken was now occupied by Gu Han. Lin Yan chose the last seat by the window and sat down.
The competition venue was in another city, but the drive only took one or two hours.
While sitting on the bus, Lin Yan leaned against the window and fell asleep, drifting into a dream.
Fine beads of sweat kept forming on his forehead, and the clothes on his back were completely soaked through. In the dream, Gu Han won once again, while Lin Yan lost by a narrow margin.
Trapped in a nightmare, Lin Yan felt hollow inside, as if caught in an endless cycle, unable to wake himself up.
Perhaps deep down, he was afraid that everything would repeat itself all over again.
Scenes from the past kept flashing through his dream, and Lin Yan shook his head from side to side.
The uneasiness in his heart gradually surged up—until another person appeared in the dream. Slowly, the anxiety faded and was eventually soothed away.
Lin Yan opened his eyes. They had already arrived at the hotel entrance. After receiving his room key, he slung his bag over one shoulder and went straight to his room to continue working on what he hadn’t finished.
After setting his backpack down, his shoulders felt much lighter. He organized his equipment and sat at the desk in front of the computer, preparing to begin.
Before starting, Lin Yan picked up his phone to see what Meiqiu was doing. When he opened the app, the screen was pitch black again—the surveillance feed showed it was offline.
He had no idea what was going on. Ever since he bought the camera, it kept disconnecting. After waiting so long for it to arrive, it still hadn’t been of any use.
He’d check it again when he got back. If there was really a problem, he’d return it.
He might as well spend more money and buy an expensive one—some money just had to be spent.
His hand rested on his thigh, and his fingertips brushed against a raised object. Feeling downward, he touched something slightly hard. He took it out and realized it was a USB drive.
Looking at it, he suddenly remembered—this USB drive contained the files for his competition project. So that was why he’d been carrying it in his pants pocket all along.
Letting out a sigh of relief, he recalled his old habit: all the USB drives he bought looked exactly the same, which was why he could never remember where he’d put things.
Luckily, he had brought it with him.
After finishing the final parts of the project, he could finally participate in the competition with peace of mind. Without realizing it, he worked all afternoon, and his stomach suddenly began to growl with hunger.
Just then, someone knocked on the door.
Who would be looking for him? Lin Yan walked over and opened it.
He saw He Lingchen standing outside, carrying two bags.
“Secretary He,” Lin Yan said with a nod.
“Engineer Lin,” He Lingchen replied as he handed the bags over. “President Lu asked me to bring these to you. Don’t forget to eat.”
Lin Yan responded softly. He hadn’t expected President Lu to be so considerate.
He took the bag, his eyes drifting to the side. Thinking the other bag was also for him, he raised his hand, about to take it as well—but in the very next second, Secretary He turned and left.
Watching Secretary He walk away, Lin Yan wondered: So did President Lu prepare these things for everyone who came to the competition?
He didn’t think too much about it. Lin Yan needed to focus on preparing for the competition—but the more he tried to calm himself and prepare properly, the more nervous he became.
Was it because he had failed before?
He realized that he had no confidence at all.
Tossing and turning on the bed, his heart restless and agitated, he couldn’t truly relax. He didn’t know why, but at this moment, one person suddenly came to mind— President Lu.
His gaze fell on the pile of items placed on the desk.
Should he send President Lu a message to say thank you?
Thinking this, Lin Yan immediately took out his phone and sent Lu Heng a message.
Lin Yan Yan Yan Yan~: [Thank you, President Lu, for the things you sent. I’ll definitely work hard and won’t let the company down.]
After the message was sent, a long time passed. He kept staring at his phone, but there was no reply.
Five minutes later, he checked again—still nothing.
Was he busy?
Another five minutes passed, and there was still no response. Lin Yan tossed his phone aside, his hand repeatedly patting the bed. He began to regret sending that message.
“Ahhh—!”
Flailing both arms and legs, he messed up the bedsheets with his exaggerated movements.
Just as he was growing more anxious, the phone rang the very next second.
Lin Yan picked it up and glanced at the screen—it was an unfamiliar number.
“Hello.” His voice was soft, listless, filled with disappointment.
But the moment he heard the voice on the other end, his spirits lifted again.
“What’s wrong? Nervous?” Lu Heng asked gently.
That familiar, heart-stirring voice reached his ears.
So close—so close it felt as though it had traveled through the phone and whispered right beside him.
“No, I’m not. I was just a little tired earlier,” Lin Yan couldn’t suppress the excitement in his heart. “President Lu, are you busy?”
“No,” Lu Heng explained. “I just didn’t check my phone earlier. Have you eaten?”
“Not yet.” Lin Yan lightly bit his thumb, trying to hold down the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
What was going on?
Lu Heng had clearly asked He Lingchen to bring things to Lin Yan because he was worried Lin Yan would be too busy and forget to eat—or just barely eat something to get by.
“Eat something first,” Lu Heng said, his tone full of concern. “Otherwise, you won’t be able to hold on. Be good.”
Lin Yan’s breathing stalled.
The drumbeat of his heart seemed to miss a beat, and at that moment, it felt as though someone had brushed a layer of sugar glaze over the tip of his heart.
“Lu Heng.”
A voice called out from the other end of the phone.
“Alright,” Lin Yan replied. “President Lu, you should go get back to work.”
“Mm.”
After hanging up the phone, Lu Heng turned around and saw someone approaching. The man was dressed in a Zhongshan suit and walked over with a cane.
“Uncle.”
“Why are you here?” Lu Tingyan glanced at the phone Lu Heng had just put away. The cane struck heavily against the stone floor. “Were you on a call?”
“Yes.” Lu Heng straightened his posture, standing firmly before his elder, though his head lowered slightly—humble, yet still dignified.
“How have you been lately?” Lu Tingyan asked with concern.
Among the elders in the family, there were very few who truly cared about Lu Heng. His uncle was the only relative who had shown him genuine concern from beginning to end.
When he was young, he was constantly disciplined by his father. Only his uncle would step in to protect him. If not for his uncle’s declining health, Lu Heng would not have had to shoulder such heavy responsibilities so early in life.
“I’m doing fine,” Lu Heng replied. “What about you, Uncle?”
“I’m the same as always. If my health weren’t failing, I wouldn’t have let you take on everything at such a young age.”
“It’s alright. Your health is what matters most, Uncle.” Lu Heng nodded lightly. “I’ll go inside first.”
The villa stood far from the city, free from noise, leaving only hollow echoes in the air.
On the second-floor balcony, two people were standing, both looking down at Lu Heng below.
“Do you think his condition has improved?” Ding Yue asked the person beside her.
She quietly observed Lu Heng. He rarely came home, and the time she could spend with him was limited. Moreover, Lu Heng had never been very willing to speak with her.
She wanted to care for him, yet there was never a suitable opportunity—perhaps she had already lost that chance long ago.
“President Lu hasn’t come in for a follow-up examination in quite some time,” the man replied. “We’ll need to see his specific condition to know for sure. But just now, you said that President Lu didn’t resist when you put the collar on him?”
This man was Lu Heng’s psychologist from overseas—Dr. Liu.
After Lu Heng returned to the country, Dr. Liu was also invited back and began teaching at a university.
Since the family was hosting a banquet that day, Ding Yue invited him over as well, hoping he could assess whether Lu Heng’s condition had improved.
As a mother, it was impossible not to worry about her son’s mental state. It was only after learning that Lu Heng had undergone long-term psychological treatment that she finally heard—from others—just how painful his life had been all these years.
She truly had not been a qualified mother. She had been absent far too often.
“Yes,” Ding Yue replied softly. “The last time I put it on his wrist, he didn’t show much resistance.”
She recalled the scene from before. When she took out the collar, she had been afraid that Lu Heng would react the same way he used to—with fear and rejection—but none of that happened.
Even when she forced it onto him, he did not struggle at all, as if he felt nothing.
“That’s a good sign,” Dr. Liu said after a moment of thought. “Perhaps, for President Lu, some of those old wounds are finally beginning to heal.”
Hearing such a response, Ding Yue felt very happy. If that were truly the case, the guilt weighing on her heart would lessen considerably.
In the past, Lu Heng’s father had disciplined him far too harshly. She herself had not been able to stay by Lu Heng’s side. By the time she learned that Lu Heng had been treated in extremely severe ways by his father for years, it was already too late.
After seeing Lu Heng’s office last time, Ding Yue had come to understand certain things.
Perhaps Lu Heng was not so different from his father after all.
“By the way,” she asked, “have there been any changes in President Lu’s daily life? Or has anyone new appeared around him?”
“Yes,” Ding Yue replied, thinking of that child—Lin Yan.
Recalling that day, Lu Heng had taken the initiative to invite Lin Yan to their home for dinner, and judging from his expression, he seemed to like him, but nothing had happened.
She didn’t know what had gone wrong, which left her feeling uncertain.
“Then that person may be the key to President Lu’s recovery,” Mr. Liu said. He thought for a moment, then spoke again—only to pause. “But President Lu…”
He hesitated briefly.
“Dr. Liu, please speak freely,” Ding Yue said.
“If it’s a situation involving a romantic partner,” Dr. Liu explained, “President Lu may choose to avoid it.”
“What do you mean?” Ding Yue’s uncertainty now seemed to find its answer.
“It means that his subconscious feels fear, so when he is about to grow close to someone, he instinctively retreats.”
Ding Yue frowned. “Then what can I do?”
…
Lin Yan finally completed his project and managed to submit it just before the competition deadline. At the moment he submitted it, the internet lagged for a few seconds.
Only after the system displayed Submission Successful did he finally relax.
Feeling exhausted, he checked the time—it was already past eight o’clock. He decided to go out for a walk.
He took the elevator downstairs. As the doors began to open, he looked ahead and saw someone standing outside who seemed familiar. He stared for quite a while.
The person at the door also looked at him, then spoke in surprise, “Senior Lin Yan?”
Lin Yan stepped out of the elevator. “You are…?”
He called out uncertainly, “Xia Ran?”
“Hey, it really is you! Long time no see,” the other said happily, thinking his senior might not recognize him anymore.
“It’s been three years,” Lin Yan said. He himself had almost forgotten the other person. “Are you here to participate in the competition too?”
“Yes.” Xia Ran was visibly excited to see a senior he hadn’t met in years. “You are too?”
“Yes.”
“Come on, come on—senior, I’ll treat you to something to eat.”
“Hey—” Lin Yan wanted to say there was no need to be so polite, but he was already being pushed and dragged toward a street stall.
Xia Ran sat down, and Lin Yan had no choice but to follow.
“No need to be polite, senior,” Xia Ran said, sitting across from him. “I haven’t seen you since graduation.”
Lin Yan smiled politely. At that moment, a faint impression of this junior finally surfaced in his mind.
He remembered the first time he met him—back then, Xia Ran had only been in his first year of graduate school. At the time, he hadn’t been very talkative and was rather thin. Now that he looked again, Lin Yan finally understood why he hadn’t recognized him right away.
The person sitting across from him had gained quite a bit of weight. His facial features had filled out, making him look noticeably different from before.
He was only barely recognizable.
“I’ve always been really grateful to you,” Xia Ran said sincerely. “If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have been able to graduate at all.”
He continued, “My thesis got stuck at a critical point. If you hadn’t stepped in to help, I honestly wouldn’t have known what to do.”
“It was nothing,” Lin Yan said. He barely even remembered the incident.
“Hey, but you were really righteous back then. And the method you taught me actually worked—it helped protect my project from being stolen.”
Hearing that, Lin Yan vaguely recalled it. He had suffered a loss himself back then, so he had only given a casual reminder out of goodwill. He hadn’t expected the other person to remember it for so long.
The food they ordered was brought out one dish after another. The aroma stirred Lin Yan’s appetite, and he picked up a skewer and began to eat.
“My work really was stolen once,” Xia Ran said while gnawing on a skewer, legs spread casually. “If it weren’t for what you taught me, I probably wouldn’t even have been able to prove my innocence.”
“Huh?” Lin Yan was genuinely surprised.
“So I really have to thank you,” Xia Ran grew more and more animated. “Unlike that senior Gu Han—he used to squeeze us dry every day. I really can’t stand him.”
Listening to Xia Ran recall the past, Lin Yan didn’t comment much. Whether that person was good or bad—no one knew better than he did.
“He was always doing shady things,” Xia Ran said. “If I ever catch him again, I’ll report him immediately.”
The other spoke in a lighthearted tone, making Lin Yan both amused and helpless.
This kid was completely different from before. Lin Yan had thought he’d be the type to endure quietly—yet he’d turned into this instead.
“I heard he joined your company?” Xia Ran raised an eyebrow and asked.
“Mm.” Lin Yan quietly continued eating.
“You really should be careful. I heard he got into his PhD program because he stole someone else’s work,” Xia Ran said.
Lin Yan only smiled without replying.
Perhaps Xia Ran didn’t know that he himself was the victim back then.
Unwilling to continue the topic, Lin Yan changed the subject. “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing pretty well, hehe,” Xia Ran replied, following his lead. “It’s just that I can’t get into your big company. I can’t even get my résumé past the system.”
For large corporations like theirs, recruitment standards were strict. What they valued most wasn’t the school someone graduated from, but whether they had participated in—or won—national-level competitions.
Without concrete achievements, it was almost impossible to get in.
“It’s fine,” Lin Yan said gently to comfort him. “A job is a job—working anywhere is still work.”
“Yeah.”
After they said goodbye, Lin Yan took a walk outside to help digest his meal before returning to his room.
When he was about to go to sleep, two messages came in on his phone. He tapped to open them—they were both from President Lu.
Lu Heng: [Get some good rest. Don’t be nervous.]
Lu Heng: [Good night, Lin Yan.]